Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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