swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh god it's open bar.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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