Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His nipple licking is glorious
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