I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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