i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
