Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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