1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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