the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
