I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
