Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
