totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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