I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
worst night to have a conscience
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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