3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what day is it and did you see me today?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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