Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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