you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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