I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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