so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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