Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
