I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
