Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
