If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
