Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
