i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
