Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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