dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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