how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
