the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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