Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
