i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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