There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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