just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
