tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
