I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
