the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
birth control should be required to get into college
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
