I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
