I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
