piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
