Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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