My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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