There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
