Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
