Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
