i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
