I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
