Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
