I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
