I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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