I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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