I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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