hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
