he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
