I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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