I CAN MOONWALK!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
