I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
