I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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