Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop coming to work sober
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
