New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
